Your gut matters
Just before Christmas I received the following message from a young and dear friend with a huge heart.. With her permission I’m sharing this correspondence with you because I think it highlights a really important subject… namely personal safety.
A.D.
Hi there Chris, it was nice to see you today!
I just had a sort of bad interaction with a homeless person and dad suggested I ask your advice—so I hope it's okay if I do!
There was a homeless man sitting outside of Subway, and when I left to go to my car he stood up and started to approach me. He was sort of talking/yelling to get my attention, but I was a little scared and couldn't tell what he was saying so I got into my car and talked to him from there.
He ended up saying he'd just got out of jail and needed a ride or bus fare to get to a shelter. I wasn't comfortable giving him a ride and I don't carry cash, but when I told him I was sorry and hoped he had a good night, he said, "how am I supposed to have a good night sleeping here in the cold?", which is understandable. I want to know your take on engaging people and scenarios like this in the future. I wanted to help him and felt so bad I didn't, but I was kind of scared of how angry he seemed. I hope this wasn't too insensitive and I would love your insight! Sorry for the long message.
My response:
Oh man, that's scary.
You did the best thing you could have done. Your safety is the number one priority. There's nothing noble about relinquishing your common sense to help someone. The fact that someone is homeless by no means makes them safe any more than you being smart means you're insensitive. I'm proud of how you handled it.
One way to look at it is this, I want to help people, I can't help people if I allow myself to be vulnerable.
If I'm safe I can show up tomorrow to help others.
You did the best thing, my kids all know that their personal safety trumps compassion. There are plenty of good and bad people in every sector of life, the street is no different and there is a higher percentage of threat there.
I hope that helps, you and I are not responsible to be anyone’s savior, we do what we can and hope for the best. Don't hesitate to ask questions, happy to talk about my favorite subject!
When I was 23 or so I lived with my sister in San Francisco. I was a lot like my young friend except I didn’t have any guidance or know where to get it. I was drawn toward folks on the street and I learned a lot, mostly by making mistakes. I had few boundaries and couldn’t stand the idea that I had stuff and someone else didn’t. Thankfully I never got hurt.
I love my young friends’ heart, she felt bad because she couldn’t do more and that to me is an awesome place to start a life of serving the under-served.
